Salad Dressing Face

The other night Todd and I were in the kitchen getting dinner ready. I don't remember what we were having exactly, but I was having a salad as a side. We'd had a baked potato fundraiser at church for the youth group, and I'd come home with this yummy Vidalia Onion salad dressing (for you Midlanders, it's the kind from Pizzeria Venti). After I put the finishing touches on my salad, I spotted the dressing in the refrigerator door. It sounded perfect with my dinner, so I peeled off the plastic from around the top of the new bottle. Meanwhile, Todd and I were in the middle of having a pretty good conversation when Bonzai needed to go out. His doggie door was locked, so I went to the backdoor to unlock it. As I walked to the door, I shook the salad dressing and then took off the lid. After I leaned down to unlock the doggie door, I stood up and proceeded to shake the salad dressing again. Yes that's right...without the lid. For most people, this would have just meant a mess on the floor to clean up, but not for me. You see, when I shake things in jars, I just rotate my wrist towards and away from my body without moving my whole arm. Therefore, the first shake of the bottle without the lid splattered dressing across my face and neck. The shock of the cold salad dressing on my face caused me to squeal and shut my eyes. I stood there, arms apart, salad dressing in hand, trying to figure out what in the world I had just done. Todd didn't know what to do except fall out laughing. Then I busted out laughing, and he brought me some paper towels to clean up. I made it through dinner before needing to change clothes and learned a couple of lessons that evening. 1) Never shake anything without a lid on. 2) Vidalia Onion is NOT a good perfume scent.

A Bird in the House

So, last Thursday was a really rough day at school. Long story, short: I cried. So by 3:30 I was outta there and headed home, ready to just sit and chill for awhile. I come in, head to the back to let Bonzai out of his kennel, and, for some reason, realize there is a bird sitting on our porch window ledge. I think I actually said aloud, "Oh it's a birdie on the window!" I let Bonzai out, and, as I'm changing into my zumba workout sweats, I hear a ruckus from the living room. I walk into the entry hall to see Bonzai chasing something. The bird! It was inside, not outside!! Crap. It lands first on the light in the entry hall, so I run to open the back door and then fling open the front door, too. Instead of just flying out the door, the bird flies into the kitchen and lands on the fridge. I realize that Bonzai is going to run out the door, and I'll have a second crisis on my hands if I don't lock him back up. I lock him up and then return to the kitchen. I scan the living room to find something to throw at the bird, who is sitting rather pleasantly on the top of our fridge still. The first thing I see are the pillows on the couch. Plan A: I grab one, throw it at the fridge, and then run to hide so it won't fly at my face. The stupid thing flew all around the back door and then slammed into the mirrors that back our build-ins in the den. Finally it landed on the mantle. Crap... literally. It's at this time that I realize I have seen bird poop on the living room couch, the floor in the entry hall, the kitchen sink, and splattered on the glass that it apparently had slammed itself into a few times that day. How long had that thing been in the house!? Plan B: I grab a dish towel and chunk it across the room, but this time it flies all around the den and lands on top of the TV. Plan C: We have leftover Valentine's candy in a little bowl by the couch. I grab a mini 3 Muskateers with Mint and throw it at the bird, completely missing it. I try a Snickers next, with the same outcome. Finally I try a Milky Way and scare it enough to fly again. Bad idea. It flies behind our TV. Did I mention that our TV sits in a build-in that is angled in a corner. Behind the enormous slot it fits into, there is nothing but a huge gap. The bird flutters around back there for awhile, and then...silence. Crap. At this point, I decide to call Todd for backup, but he still has to work till 5. I leave the back door open, go to the back of the house, close all the bedroom doors, and sit in the office. Bonzai "the mighty attack dog" is in his kennel, but refuses to come out when I open the door. Some help. I call my mom to vent about the day, and stay in the back until Todd gets home. He heads straight for the TV, moves around the DVDs and other stuff up there, all the while saying, "If you fly at me and scare me, bird, I'll kill you." When nothing happens, he goes to the laundry room, gets the Swiffer duster with the extended handle and starts jabbing it behind the TV. Nothing. Finally, he gets a flashlight and looks back behind the TV to find...nothing again. I guess in my hour-long stay in the back room, the stupid bird flew out the backdoor. Only time will tell. So far no rank smell has emerged from the den....

My First Blog Ever

Well, here we go. I've been considering taking up blogging for awhile now, but was a bit leary because I think reading the ins and outs of people's daily lives is a bit weird. No one really needs to know an update on the personal lives of the Gatlins' lives each day! But recently some close friends of ours have encouraged me to try it out because I have the most random things happen to me, and they think these mishaps would be greatly enjoyed by others. (Actually they told me to write a book, but I'm thinkin not.) You see, I seem to find myself in these stupid situations where either A) I DO something to make a fool of myself, B) I SAY something to make a fool of myself, or C) Something happens TO me that typically doesn't happen to most normal people. I'll spare you a story for now, mainly because I'm leaving for a zumba class and don't want to be late. Just know, the first story will come soon and will involve a bird, a dish towel, and a swiffer.